All I Want for Christmas is Boobs (And Other Elective Procedures)

Elizabeth is Dead
The Haven
Published in
5 min readDec 20, 2021

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Dear Santa,

I’ve been a really good girl this year. I know because I took a quiz on Cosmopolitan.com and it said so. Like most TV shows and Instagram posts and movies and advertisements, Cosmo also reminded me that I’ve got a lot of work to do in the new year if I want people to notice that I’m alive and hot.

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Elizabeth is Dead
The Haven

Liz Wolfe is an exaggerated nonfiction writer and satirical cartoonist. You can read more of her drivel at https://elizabethisdead.com/.